“Fighting for (Your) Marriage”

“Holy or Unholy Matrimony?”

Mark 10:1-12

March 14, 2004

Dr. Rich Peterson

In 1983 I took a college course entitled “Sociology of the Family” at the secular university I attended. One class meeting a friend of the instructor, a homosexual and his mother led the class time and offered a variety of justifications and defenses for the homosexual lifestyle. At one point in the dialogue they both commented on their hope of one day seeing the reality of legalized same-sex marriage.

The environment wasn’t hostile, but the participants in this secular classroom were not overwhelming receptive to this idea of same-sex marriage either.

I walked away from the experience thinking to myself, “It (same-sex marriage) may become a reality someday, but probably not in my lifetime.”

Boy was I wrong!

Six years later, in 1989, Denmark became the first nation to legally recognize same-sex unions, offering “the same legal effects as the contracting of marriage.” Half a dozen European countries began moving in the same direction.[1]

In 1996 a court in Hawaii overrules a previous state ban on gay marriage, sparking a national debate on the subject.[2]

That same year (1996), the U.S. House and Senate overwhelmingly pass the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), a bill denying federal recognition of same-sex marriages and giving states the right to refuse same-sex marriage licenses from other states and deny benefits associated with marriage.[3]

In 2000, Vermont creates a new legal relationship status called a “civil union,” allowing same-sex couples to obtain all of the rights, responsibilities and benefits available through marriage.[4]

In May 2003, Rep. Marilyn Musgrave, (R-Colo) and five cosponsors introduce HJ Resolution 56, the Federal Marriage Amendment, a resolution to amend the U.S. Constitution to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman only.[5]

But then the next month the U.S. Supreme Court strikes down a Texas law prohibiting same-sex sodomy. By removing criminal implications for private consensual sexual acts, the ruling changed the legal landscape for an array of issues concerning same-sex couples, including the right to marry.[6]

In November 2003 The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court rules that it is a violation of the state constitution to bar same-sex couples from marriage. The first legal marriages for same-sex couples are due to take place in May.[7]

On February 12, 2004, San Francisco’s newly elected Mayor Gavin Newsome allows the distribution of marriage licenses to same-sex couples, prompting the state attorney general to file a constitutional challenge with the state Supreme Court. Thousands of gay and lesbian couples descend on City Hall for wedding ceremonies.[8]

On February 24, 2004 President Bush announced that he supports a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriages, saying marriage between a man and a woman is the “most enduring human institution.”[9]

The debate concerning marriage rages on with one of the main questions in this culture war being “who will define human sexuality and the basic design of the male-female relationship?”[10]

Well, I know it may appear overly simplistic to some, but for those of us seeking to become faithful followers of Jesus Christ, I believe the best place to turn for answers is to Jesus Himself.

If Jesus were a part of the contemporary debate concerning the basic definition of marriage what would he do? Let me invite you to turn in your Bibles to Mark 10:1-12 to find out.

Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them. Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

“What did Moses command you?” he replied.

They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

“It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote to you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:1-12).

Jesus completed ministry in Galilee, left Capernaum and has come now to the Trans-Jordan area, still on His way to Jerusalem.
Jesus “taught” the truth of God’s Word
Pharisees “tested” the truth of God’s Word
Jesus sets forth the stringent demands for His disciples, and his teaching on divorce simply dramatizes further the radical claims that God’s reign makes on individuals.
Pharisees on the other hand are not as interested in their RESPONSIBILITIES under God, as much as they’re RIGHTS under the law.

In other words, they care only about what the law allows them to get away with.
So preoccupied with the legal subtleties they ultimately neglected God’s will.

Ask a question regarding “divorce” because this was the “hot” contemporary current event of the day.
There were two radically different views among the religious leaders – one conservative and the other liberal.

Views had to do with the interpretation of Deut 24:1-4 centered on the phrase “something indecent.”
The conservatives interpreted “something indecent” as being fornication before marriage, while the liberals interpreted the same phrase as pertaining to anything done by the wife that was displeasing to the husband.

Now no matter how Jesus responses He is bound to displease somebody – this is just the point of the question – the Pharisees are seeking to trap Jesus and use His teachings against Him in some incriminating fashion.
It is very interesting that the Pharisees would ask Jesus a question about divorce in the territory ruled by Herod Antipas. Herod is the same man who had John the Baptist killed because he preached against Herod’s adulterous marriage to Herodias.

There may have been more than politics involved in their question – the Pharisees may have seen this as a fantastic opportunity to “get Jesus killed”

But Jesus (as usual) ignores the current debates and focuses His attention on the Word of God.
Jesus takes them further back than Moses and what Moses “permitted” but never “commanded” regarding “divorce” – all the way back to the Creation and to God’s original intent.

God, Jesus says, established marriage and therefore has the right to make the rules.
According to Scripture, marriage is between and man and woman, not two men or two women;
The relationship is PERMANENT and SACRED
It is the most ultimate union in the human race, for the two become one flesh, and this one flesh union created by God Himself is not to be undone by any act of man!

In other words, Jesus (1) condemns all divorce as contrary to God’s will and (2) sets forth the highest standard of marriage for His disciples.

The Teachings of Jesus are crystal clear:

Reaffirms the permanent nature of marriage involving a male and a female.
Points out that divine permission for divorce was only given because of human sinfulness (and not because it was God’s ideal)
States that sexual immorality was the only legitimate cause for divorce.
Clearly teaches that the one who divorces a sexually faithful spouse and marries another commits adultery (and the new mate is also committing adultery).

I love the straight forward way that Eugene Peterson deals with this section in the Message:

They asked, “Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife?”

Jesus said, “What did Moses command?”

They answered, “Moses gave permission to fill our a certificate of dismissal and divorce her.”

Jesus said, “Moses wrote this command only as a concession to your hardhearted ways. In the original creation, God made male and female to be together. Because of this, a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage he becomes one flesh with a woman – no longer two individuals but forming a new unity. Because God created this organic union of the sexes no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”

When they were back home the disciples brought it up again. Jesus gave it to them straight: “A man who divorces his wife so he can marry someone else commits adultery against her. And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery.”

I love that phrase, “Jesus gave it to them straight.”

When it comes to the question of same-sex marriage, I think that once again Jesus gives it to us straight. By taking us back to God’s original intent Jesus reveals the heart of God concerning this matter. But just in case someone might have missed it, allow me to “give it to you straight.”

What is God’s Design for Marriage?

1. God’s perfect design for family includes one man with one woman for a lifetime, producing children out of the context of a secure, sound and loving intimate relationship.

a. Marriage is a covenant relationship between a man a woman that is not to be broken except for sexual infidelity or death (Matt. 19:4-9; 1 Cor. 7:39). There is no indication in Scripture that two men living together or two women living together constitute a “marriage.”

b. As much as a marriage is designed to meet the needs of a man and a woman, married couples can also have the joy of having children and raising them to honor Christ. Children are a blessing from God and will enrich a marriage (Gen. 1:28).

2. The most intimate and fulfilling of all human relationships is the relationship a man and woman share within the confines of God-blessed marriage (Gen. 2:18).

3. A man and a woman reflect the image of God and are to complement each other and specifically met each others needs (Gen. 1:27-28).

a. Marriage is the most stunning and majestic relationship in that the husband and wife show to the world the very image of the eternal God. “One of the best places to get a living snapshot of His image is to look at a godly marriage.”[11]

b. The two sexes need each other. The image of the rugged, self-sufficient individualist is more an American concept than a biblical one. As Paul stated, “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman” (1 Cor. 11:11).

4. Marriage is a temporary institution for this age until the resurrection of the dead.

a. “The essence of its meaning and purpose is to represent Christ’s relation to the church. But when the reality comes, the representation, as we know it will be laid aside. And there will be neither marriage nor giving in marriage in the age to come. And those who have been single and devoted to the Lord will sit down at the marriage supper of the Lamb as full fellow-heirs of the grace of life. And according to their devotion to the Lord and their sacrifices they will be rewarded with affections and relationships and joys beyond imagination”[12]

5. God hates divorce.

With his usual clarity, John R.W. Stott summarizes the biblical view which is commonly held by evangelicals:

First, God’s intention in creating mankind male and female and in ordaining marriage is clear. Human sexuality finds fulfillment in marriage, and marriage is a permanent and exclusive union. This is the divine purpose and ideal.

Second, divorce is nowhere commanded nor even encouraged in Scripture.

Third, nevertheless, divorce (and remarriage) is permissible on two grounds. First, an innocent person may divorce his/her partner if the later has been guilty of immorality. Secondly, a believer may acquiesce in the desertion of his/her unbelieving partner, if the later refuses to go on living with him/her. In both cases, however, the permission is granted in the negative (that is reluctant) terms: only if a person divorces his partner on the ground of unchastity is he not committing adultery. Only if the unbeliever insists on departing is the believer “not bound.”[13]

6. God never sanctions nor does He approve of homosexuality.

a. “God never calls homosexuality an alternative lifestyle. God is against civil unions of homosexuals. God is against same-sex “marriage.” God is against the ordination of homosexuals into the ministry. Never, never, and never does God give any credibility to any issue or act of the gay lifestyle. Therefore, same-sex “marriage” is an abomination to God and any matrimony ever performed to do it is unholy, ungodly and will receive the judgment of God. Same-sex “marriage” is nothing more than an attempt to redefine one of the holiest ordinances of God, marriage between male and female. It is an attack against marriage and family.”[14]

7. A couple of “hopeful” reminders:

a. As Christians we must never forget and emphasize the importance of forgiveness. Clearly, God hates divorce and forbids adultery. Clearly, God considers homosexuality an abomination, and same-sex unions “contrary to nature,” but these are not unpardonable sins. God forgives and expects his followers to do the same – and then to live lives that are pure and free of further sinning.

b. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 makes clear that those who are practicing the homosexual lifestyle will not inherit the kingdom of God, yet at the same time, in verse 11 Paul reminds each one of these Christians, “And such were some of you. Some of you were living in that lifestyle but now you are washed by the blood of Jesus and have new life. You are sanctified by the Holy Spirit being transformed into a new life. You were justified, set free from your sin and now are wearing the robes of Jesus’ righteousness and no longer the garments of your sinfulness. To the glory of Jesus, the Holy Spirit has done and is continuing to do this work of transformation in your life. Further, Paul was saying to them because you are washed, sanctified and justified, don’t go back into these sins because if you do and stay there, it is indicative that genuine salvation has not occurred.

i. The banner of God’s truth is lifted up in verses 9-10: “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

ii. The banner of God’s grace is lifted up in verse 11: “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

How do we as faithful followers of Jesus Christ respond?

Ronnie Floyd issues this challenge:

“Upon the authority of God’s Word we need to become actively involved against any effort in the courts, the political processes, the educational systems, the invasion of television, the practical attacks and the liberal slants of various churches and denominations toward the gay agenda. We need to stand strongly, wisely and tenaciously, but with love against any unholy matrimony. Remember, you are not against people, but against what they are doing because it is a slap in the face of God.”[15]

Oh, but don’t leave today and not hear the Good News – regardless of our past, our sins, or our present – we can be washed by the blood and given new life in Jesus Christ. We can be freed, acquitted from our sins.

All sin is wrong, but only one sin determines whether you go to heaven or hell when you die – the sin of rejecting Jesus Christ as your Savior and not letting Him live actively and daily as Lord of your life. Jesus died on the cross to forgive our sins and to set us free from the penalty of those sins. So, regardless of your past or present, Jesus, Jesus wants to cleanse you from your sin and give you abundant and eternal life in Him.

Even in the midst of culture war all around us – we rest assured of this – whether voluntarily or involuntarily – “at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2:10-11).

[1] MSNBC.msn.com. “Marriage Rights Battle, February 24, 2004.

[10] Dennis Rainey, Ministering to Twenty-First Century Families (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2001), 39.

[12] John Piper, May 14, 1989 sermon, Bethlehem Baptist Church.

[13] John R. W. Stott, Divorce (Downers Grove, IL: Inter-Varsity Press, 1973), 27-28.

[14] Ronnie Floyd, A Biblical Response to Unholy Gay ‘Matrimony’ sermon preached September 19, 2003, First Baptist Church, Springdale, Ark.